Gratitude Posts 52-64

52. The house packing is more than 50% done

53. I don't have to go to the store for more boxes today!

54. A new house to move into...so soon!

55. Fuzzy warm jammy pants

56. Laundry is almost all done

57. The sun is out shining and bright this morning

58. Josh finished some of the things on my list last night :)

59. Listening to Josh and Luke wrestle as I fell asleep last night

60. Nap time (for me) this afternoon

61. Dean Karnazes is running 300 mi/week...inspiration

62. Pro-biotics

63. The smell of bacon cooking in oven

64. Our library is near the beach and oh, dear, I have books to drop off today

Gratitude 37-51

37. Inspired blogs to read for new ideas

38. Pretzels

39. 2 rooms totally packed

40. Sunshiny day

41. Yellow of an egg yolk

42. Lego games

43. Crossing things off a list

44. A calming candle smell

45. Nice markers

46. Cuddles with Josh last night

47. Planning for a lunch out

48. Some seeds planted, some waiting to be planted

49. Penguin cartoons

50. Morning quiet time

51. Morning belly cuddles with a monkey and turtle pajama-ed boy

Gratitude Posts 25-36

25. Beautiful plants at the nursery
26. Seed packets
27. A fresh new day
28. Hot tea (did I already use this one?)
29. Freedom to plan a day
30. Japanese architecture book
31. Elan's Earthroots class
32. Resolve
33. 30 boxes packed
34. A new house waiting for me
35. A wonderful lunch of grapes, cheese, bread and wine
36. A fun red jeep to drive

Gratitude Posts 12-24

12. Seeing a mountain lion on a morning run (and it not seeing or being interested in me)
13. Sitting on the front steps listening to music
14. New tires on the car
15. A fantastic night out at Tokyo Table with Josh- garlic edamame, sour apple saketini, stone bowl rice, sashimi, steak, lobster, banana flambe. Good laughs
16. A cool new history book to read with the boys "Ancient Athens on 5 drachmas a day"
17. A website to help the boys learn while I continue to organize and pack
18. An awesome almond, raspberry, date, coconut oil, cocoa smoothie for breakfast
19. Good smelling dish soap
20. Comfy jeans and a sweater, warm socks
21. Having a good babysitter
22. Luke wanting to learn
23. Elan working well this morning
24. Off switches

Gratitude Posts 1-11

1. A hot cup of rose tea

2. A morning bike ride in the cool fog

3 .The sound of Luke's gentle voice

4. A toy room that is starting to look a little more organized

5. Big boys playing quietly together

6. A washing machine

7. A dryer

8. The possibility of a new day

9. Sunny skies

10. A view of trees from my window

11. Hope

Longing for Peace

It's been a tough year for me. Filled with growth in ways that I hadn't a notion that I could grow in. The main challenge for me has been learning to accept uncertainty and fear, with an upset stomach most of the time. I ran away from them as long and as hard as I could. I tried to ignore them-didn't work. I tried to medicate them-made me feel worse, like putting makeup on a pimple. Dealing with anxiety forced me to take care of myself. I have a tendency to ignore my needs, not necessarily physical, but definitely the emotional and mental and spiritual ones. It's only been a few weeks that I have been feeling better but I feel a lot more balanced now, not as teetery, not as likely to fall off my rope. I've started to remember who I am and I can feel my angry drifting away. I don't feel sorry for myself as much, I feel stronger, more hopeful and proud of myself for finally climbing this mountain instead of circling around it. I might keep meeting anxiety but now I know that a meeting with it doesn't have to mean a battle. Simply acknowledging the anxiety and feeling it in my body, instead of wishing it wasn't there, has helped tremendously. Seems like my Buddhist reading and my martial arts, , have converged into this idea-don't fight the opponent, flow with them. Flow with the punch, flow with the anxiety, let it all go, don't dam it up-the dam will break, feel it and let it flow through you. And learning to let those dams be washed away is where I am now.